new blog & last post here...

I've decided to stop shaking my fist and chill out and cheer up, so you can now find me over at this address:

hannahonthemoon.spaces.live.com

the way forward.

Top tip: if you don't have enough time for all the things you need and/or want to do, cut down on sleep. As the days go by it gets easier rather than harder, and the extra hours are most pleasant. There are a few side effects, such as mild confusion and a predisposition to fall alseep during a boring shift at work, but most of these can be countered by vast amounts of sugary coffee.

things are getting desperate.

I hate my job. And I mean hate. I've had jobs I've disliked before (remember Tesco, anyone?) - in fact I've never had a job that I've liked - but this one has caused me to reach new levels of loathing. In the past I was always able to put work out of my mind when away from it and centre my life around my days off, but now the objection is so strong that it dominates even my days off - I can't relax and enjoy life fully, even enjoy it at 75%, when I know at some time soon I'll have to go back to that place.

When a colleague broke a bone and was signed off for 12 weeks I felt jealous and wished it was me. A broken bone seems more than worth it for 12 weeks off - people tell me that's an insane way to think but to me it seems perfectly logical. That place has seeped into my soul and is gradually killing any positive spirit I have left.

I am making progress in finding something new however, and have a phone interview next week, for a call centre job. Writing about it here might jinx me somewhat but no-one reads this anyway (I'm not saying that as a way of getting people to comment and say they do, because I honestly think that no-one does) and I have to do something whilst I wait for Flickr to upload my photos... Anyway, that shows how desperate I've got - if I get the job I'll be handling enquiries about credit cards, which is both boring and against my principles*. But it's daytime hours, only one Saturday in two (not two full weekends in three) and I won't be physically assaulted at work. Someone get me the £$%* out of my current job ASAP, please.

* Well, perhaps that's too strong a way of putting it - I have a credit card and don't think they're entirely morally corrupt; but I always vowed to do a job for the good of society, not for big business. Social care is gradually driving me completely insane however and unfortunately this is a time when I need to put my own happiness first.
____

I have spent the last few days in Dumfries and Galloway with my mum, sister and grandad. A very pleasant time indeed - lots of walks, lots of tasty meals, and it's a beautiful part of the country. Photos here, although unless you're an approved contact you won't be able to see them all.

pace is the trick.

I just deleted my urbandecayed blog. It never recieved any comments and (as my hidden hit counter proved) no-one bothered to visit it much, which is fine. I should learn to think things through before jumping in with both feet.

Over the weekend I filled up my flickr account and thus was obliged to delete photos or upgrade to a paid one, and being not very in control of my finances at the moment (and expecting a tax rebate soon) I decided to take the latter option. I'm pleased that I did - I now have limitless upload space and can create many sets. My urban decay photos are thus all in this set, my Blythe doll pictures all in this set and numerous other exposures are grouped together. Want a look at all of it? Here you go. Yes, flickr, I am hereby praising you in a blog and perhaps advertising you. Aren't you happy?

One thing that doesn't make me happy is shift work. I'm not technically even a full time worker yet it sure feels that way when all my free time is on weekdays (usually weekday mornings) when no-one else is about. It must be joyous to have every evening and weekend free, it truly must. Of course, my shifts wouldn't be so bad if the person who handles the rotas at my work did it with a sense of fairness - 50% of all the shifts are 0800 - 1600 but only 20% of the ones I do - I'm usually there from 1430 - 2230, and I have come to loathe it. It ruins the entire day when one has to work later - and several days in a row without being able to fully relax is not good for anyone's happiness levels. No wonder I sleep so much. Today I have a new worker shadowing me and watching what I do. This is good, yet surprising, because it proves the bosses do not think I'm entirely incompetent.

contradictions are my speciality.

I never intended this blog to become overtly personal, but perhaps it will become increasingly so. There is something quite freeing in releasing words out onto the internet, message in a bottle style, especially to this page which is probably not read by many people. I also like that this is public, it makes me think more carefully about what I will write. Quite a contradictory pair of things - I like writing here because I don't think many people read and yet I also like writing here because anyone could read and I am forced to choose my words carefully. Contradictions are my speciality.

Today I have been writing for roomthirteen.com, reviewing CDs as I always do. I've also been shopping, mostly for food and also for a new pair of slippers - slippers are thin on the ground at this time of year which is rather silly considering that Dundee rarely sees a temperature above 20 degrees in summer or winter. I got two crisp new pound notes in my change which was vaguely special since I hadn't seen one for a while and thought they were being phased out or something.

Everything has been overhung with the dread of having to work tomorrow, Thursday and Saturday. A job shouldn't ruin the rest of one's life but mine manages it. Tonight I will make gin cocktails and think of my Blythe doll who is coming over from Asia and probably watch 'A Scanner Darkly'; and most importantly I'll try to forget about it.

now you'll understand why I'm unpopular.

I don't understand the current obesssions many people have for pirates or Harry Potter. I liked pirates when I was 4, liked them a lot, but at 22 I don't feel the need to decorate every item of clothing I own with a skull (or a bunch of skulls). The worst kind of crazes are those that followers believe to be quirky but are in fact far too mainstream and uninspired to be anything but a trend followed by sheep, and the pirate obsession is a perfect example of this.

As for Harry Potter, I couldn't get through even a chapter of one book without wondering what the point was, and the movies are just as irrelevant, packed with cliches. Maybe I'm missing something, but I've sampled both ideas and found them boring - perhaps other people feel the same but are afraid to admit it because they want to join in?

a link for your exploration.

I already spend too much time online.
& now I will spend more.