Wednesday, 27 June 2007

pace is the trick.

I just deleted my urbandecayed blog. It never recieved any comments and (as my hidden hit counter proved) no-one bothered to visit it much, which is fine. I should learn to think things through before jumping in with both feet.

Over the weekend I filled up my flickr account and thus was obliged to delete photos or upgrade to a paid one, and being not very in control of my finances at the moment (and expecting a tax rebate soon) I decided to take the latter option. I'm pleased that I did - I now have limitless upload space and can create many sets. My urban decay photos are thus all in this set, my Blythe doll pictures all in this set and numerous other exposures are grouped together. Want a look at all of it? Here you go. Yes, flickr, I am hereby praising you in a blog and perhaps advertising you. Aren't you happy?

One thing that doesn't make me happy is shift work. I'm not technically even a full time worker yet it sure feels that way when all my free time is on weekdays (usually weekday mornings) when no-one else is about. It must be joyous to have every evening and weekend free, it truly must. Of course, my shifts wouldn't be so bad if the person who handles the rotas at my work did it with a sense of fairness - 50% of all the shifts are 0800 - 1600 but only 20% of the ones I do - I'm usually there from 1430 - 2230, and I have come to loathe it. It ruins the entire day when one has to work later - and several days in a row without being able to fully relax is not good for anyone's happiness levels. No wonder I sleep so much. Today I have a new worker shadowing me and watching what I do. This is good, yet surprising, because it proves the bosses do not think I'm entirely incompetent.

Tuesday, 19 June 2007

contradictions are my speciality.

I never intended this blog to become overtly personal, but perhaps it will become increasingly so. There is something quite freeing in releasing words out onto the internet, message in a bottle style, especially to this page which is probably not read by many people. I also like that this is public, it makes me think more carefully about what I will write. Quite a contradictory pair of things - I like writing here because I don't think many people read and yet I also like writing here because anyone could read and I am forced to choose my words carefully. Contradictions are my speciality.

Today I have been writing for, reviewing CDs as I always do. I've also been shopping, mostly for food and also for a new pair of slippers - slippers are thin on the ground at this time of year which is rather silly considering that Dundee rarely sees a temperature above 20 degrees in summer or winter. I got two crisp new pound notes in my change which was vaguely special since I hadn't seen one for a while and thought they were being phased out or something.

Everything has been overhung with the dread of having to work tomorrow, Thursday and Saturday. A job shouldn't ruin the rest of one's life but mine manages it. Tonight I will make gin cocktails and think of my Blythe doll who is coming over from Asia and probably watch 'A Scanner Darkly'; and most importantly I'll try to forget about it.

website metrics

Sunday, 17 June 2007

now you'll understand why I'm unpopular.

I don't understand the current obesssions many people have for pirates or Harry Potter. I liked pirates when I was 4, liked them a lot, but at 22 I don't feel the need to decorate every item of clothing I own with a skull (or a bunch of skulls). The worst kind of crazes are those that followers believe to be quirky but are in fact far too mainstream and uninspired to be anything but a trend followed by sheep, and the pirate obsession is a perfect example of this.

As for Harry Potter, I couldn't get through even a chapter of one book without wondering what the point was, and the movies are just as irrelevant, packed with cliches. Maybe I'm missing something, but I've sampled both ideas and found them boring - perhaps other people feel the same but are afraid to admit it because they want to join in?

Tuesday, 12 June 2007

a link for your exploration.

I already spend too much time online.
& now I will spend more.

the banes of my life.

Yes, I abandoned my rantings again, although quite honestly I wasn't aware that it had been over a month. There just aren't enough hours in the day for all the things that I want to do in life - my head is filled with ideas for projects and lists of books to read, films to watch, things to explore, people I want to get to know - and on top of that there are the mundane necessities of life that require seemingly constant attention.

I do so wish that I didn't have to have a job - this isn't because I'm bone idle, quite the opposite. I resent so much of my life being eaten away by a job that doesn't interest me enough to justify the amount of time it occupies; and I resent the emphasis our society puts upon earning money. The purpose of life is not to earn as much money as possible, it is to enjoy, to explore, to express and create.

"Why not find a job that combines your interests with the (unfortunate?) necessity of earning a living?", I hear you ask. There aren't any jobs that will allow me to do that - a job means being enslaved to an employer, doing things they want in a place they want you to be, when they tell you to. In my mind a job means doing something I don't want to do in a place I don't want to be. So I will beaver away at my little projects and hope one day that something will come of them.

On another note, I am sick and tired of being told I should lose weight. Not personally, of course, but indirectly by way of the media. The hypocrisy that they churn out grows ever more ridiculous - now that a backlash has begun over Size Zero women are constantly reminded that we should be a "healthy size" - a fair enough idea, in theory. In practice however this "healthy size" propogated by the media and people in it is a meagre size 8 or 10 - not a healthy weight for many women! I am a size 12/14, either overweight or almost there depending on who you ask, and perfectly healthy. A size 8 may be healthy for some, but for most it is still too thin.

The media need to realise that the "healthy" ideal doeasn't have to mean slim and healthy. I
recently read an interview with an actress who claimed she was now healthy, having "slimmed" (in other words, starved) from a size 14 to an 8; that she hated the craze for unrealistic super-skinniness and that at her current size could still have "the occasional takeaway" providing she "spent 3 hours at the gym the next day". That isn't healthy behaviour, that is trying to burn away everything you eat and thinking of food as an enemy that has to be worked off and out of your body. It is downright hypcritical to condemn Size Zero in one sentence and then talk about a strict diet and exercise regime in the next.

I am not advocating that we all eat nothing but junk food and sit around on our backsides all day. I am simply trying to highlight the twisted view the media presents of the "ideal woman" even when it claims it is being realistic. Eat fruit and veg, exercise, try not to eat 1kg of chcocolate a day; but don't make it an obsession. Sensible and realistic isn't exercising away every extra calorie or having one treat a week, it's realising food is one of life's pleasures and that there are far more interesting things to focus on than diet.